Autism & Friendships

This month our focus is on improving various relationships impacted by Autism. One example is friendships. Starting and keeping friendships for our kids with Autism can be tough. Wondering about strategies to help?

1. Embrace Solitude: If your child falls anywhere on the Autism spectrum, then you are likely aware that they tend to be happiest when they are by themselves. As neuro-typicals, this may be hard for us to accept. However, it is vital to embrace this truth early on. It will decrease frustration and anxiety as we parent our child with their unique needs by honoring their need to be alone. This does not mean that we do not actively assist them in developing healthy relationships with others. However, this should relieve just a little bit of the pressure. 

2.  Structured Play Groups: These are small play groups supported by trained adults. The groups include children with and without Autism. All kids have the chance to practice good friendship skills (ex: sharing, turn-taking, etc.) in a natural environment.

One example of this is Circle of Friends, a nationwide "school inclusion program that builds genuine friendships between students with special needs and their general education peers". I had the pleasure of starting a Circle of Friends chapter at a local high school many years ago and have done the same at a local middle school. The benefits seen by both children with and without special needs are priceless. You may consider talking to your child's school or special education team about starting a chapter at your school. 

3. Video Modeling: As most of our children have a high interest in visuals, using videos to model and teach target behaviors (ex: greetings, playing a game, etc.) is an awesome strategy.  Ideally, you should catch the moment and video your child when they are using the target behavior. Watching themselves in the video definitely helps to increase engagement. However,  YouTube is also a great source for these videos that model positive friendship and social skills

4. Attend Local Events: Is your child with Autism really into Thomas the Train, dinosaurs, etc? Find local. small events at your neighborhood library, park or toy store where their passion is the theme. Your child will be able to engage with their peers and they will likely shine as the expert on the topic. This setting may also increase your child's motivation to engage with their peers since the topic is highly motivating. Another bonus: As a parent you may meet other like-minded parents and develop friendships of your own. Some San Diego resources include the San Diego Children's Museum and the Autism Tree Project Foundation. 

Friendships for our children with Autism may take effort, however learning and practicing key skills early on in a variety of environments may reap a lifetime of benefits.

References: The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome (Tony Attwood), AFIRM Modules